Getting Started

So, I don't really know how this blogging stuff works, but I was up early this morning to let a plumber in, and had nothing to do other than go back to bed once he left, so I had the bright idea to start a blog.

What would I write about though? I'm not interesting! But then I realised neither are 99% of other bloggers, so why not join them so I can crap on about myself. Maybe that will stop me doing it on Facebook!

So, I sat down for 5 minutes, and thought "What would I want to read about?" Funny stories of others miss fortunes and adventures? Definitely! Tales of destruction and mayhem? Totally! Real life stupid stories of getting yourself in trouble while on a bender from someone who's cleaned their life up and is now on the straight and narrow...maybe!

So maybe I could write about how to clean up yourself when your life goes to shit from too much partying. Who better to talk about it than someone who has actually done it. I know when I first gave up drinking, I sure as shit wasn't going to take advice from a tea totaling counselor who had never drank in their life! And when I did clean myself up, I wasn't willing to give up my social life either. I live and breath for local music, and in the music scene if you don't drink or do drugs, then your an outcast. In fact in most social circles this is true. When I first gave up, I heard a lot of "You mean just for a while?" Ahhh.. no, forever... "Really? Like you'll never drink again? How does that work?".... Easy, I have a personality and can still talk to people sober! And although in the last 15 years I had rarely been in a sober social situation... it couldn't be that hard right? Wrong!

It's amazing how many times over the last few years of doing the single hardest thing I've ever done, that I heard the words "Your not drinking? Your weak!" Weak? Really? Cos its hard to give in to social pressure and just have a beer right? Only weak people don't follow the crowd. Does that sound backwards to anyone else?

I'd like to make it clear from the get go that I'm not here to preach. I have no problem with other people drinking at all. In fact I enjoyed it (or thought I enjoyed it) for a good 15 years. My problem was that I couldn't survive without it, and I hate being dependent on anyone or anything. I believe in freedom, and people should have the choice to do what they want. I'm quite happy sitting around with mates while they have a few cold drinks while I have a mineral water. I don't have a problem with this. I had a problem with the fact that I couldn't do this a couple of years ago. I could never NOT drink. Ever.

When you wake up with a hangover on a Wednesday and realise it wasn't because of a 'special occasion' it's just because it was Tuesday the night before and you just had to have a dinner with friends so you could justify having a few drinks, then you realise maybe that's not right.

Before I met my now husband, I was off the rails in a huge way. Then when I met him, I realised I didn't have half the problem he did. I could at least handle my alcohol to a certain extent.. he couldn't. He would be off his head after a couple of beers.. but still continue to drink the whole slab, run around naked, smash glasses on his head for no reason, cry, and then pass out. This was fun the first few times. Until I realised I really loved him, and that I was taming down to look after him. Me? Toning my drinking down, and not getting too drunk because I was worried about someone else? Now I know how everyone else felt about me.

After a few years of this, it became fairly obvious that we couldn't continue this way. Every special occasion would end the same way... him with his pants down, shirt off, passed out on a dance floor, stage, alleyway, wherever he happened to be when the urge to hit the deck took hold of him. Me with the drunken Trashbag cry, blubbering away about how he'd ruined another occasion. I could deal with passing out though, it was the trying to jump out of cars which were going 100k's an hour down freeways that scared the shit out of me. Incidents happened on every drinking occasion. Not some, not a couple, every single one. There was never a social drink when we were around. It was all or nothing. And it ALWAYS ended badly.

Of course because I was the one crying myself to sleep, I assumed it was just my husband who had the problem with drinking. We only fought when we drank. He only did stupid shit when we drank. But everyone thought it was hilarious didn't they? Its completely normal to take your clothes off, run around the house naked, tip a whole bowl of punch on your head, and insist that you need to go out with your mates to drink more, even though we all know you'll be out like a light in 20 minutes tops? And the next day when the apologies come, along with the crying and pleading that he needs to stop (from him not me) what do you do? Forgive him and have another party the next weekend? Of course!

But when your Engagement Party is ruined, other people's weddings, your Hens/Bucks night, family and friends birthdays and everything in between, just because the drinking and mayhem gets taken to the next level every time, and people are saying to you "Are you sure you want to get married?" You still don't stop and think "Maybe we should stop drinking!" Easy solution right? Easier said than done!

But when it get's closer and closer to your own wedding, and your 100% certain that if you don't do something that the biggest day in your life is going to end in tears, you have to do something or run for the hills right? So I did what any normal girl would do... an ultimatum: "If I cry myself to sleep on our wedding night, we're getting annulled the next morning. No if's or but's. I don't care if you drink, but if you get blind and ruin the whole night, I'm done for good. If you can't hold yourself for one day, the most important day of our lives, then how could I ever trust that you can stay sober any other time it counts... like to drive me to hospital to have our first child or something"

It sounds harsh I know. And I'd always said I would never be the type of girl to give an ultimatum to her partner. But Bridezilla had other idea's. I also knew that our wedding was a new beginning, and I wasn't going to spend my life this way. I'd vowed to myself that I wasn't going to drink much. I'd lead by example. But in the back of my mind not only was I scared shitless that I couldn't hold up my end of the bargain, but that he couldn't either. And I wasn't scared that I'd have to walk away, I was scared because I knew I couldn't, and then that would be it. Alcoholics for life. I wasn't doing that to our future children!

I'll continue this story in my next Blog... otherwise I might run out of things to talk about. Do you think hubby-to-be stayed sober at his own wedding? Tune in (or log in) next time to find out!

I will leave you with this question though. What is your biggest Trashbag moment?
Although you do get some stories each Monday on Facebook from the lightweights that can't hold their grog. They post photos of themselves, making duck faces at the camera with their mascara smeared panda eye's, and accidental reflections in the mirror of the vomit splattered dunny in the background...its just not enough. I want real dirt. Nobody is going to put this stuff on Facebook because their boss might see it. Well, I am my own boss, so I can say what I want without fear of getting the sack.

Until next time..... This is Ex-Trashbag signing off!